Monday, 2 June 2014

Are you Happy?

Hi guys, sorry I have been M.I.A for quite a while now, there's just been so much going on at home and in my mind. I finally have the time to just sit down and relax with a bit of ice tea and a pen and paper in my hand. What was supposed to be a small post became a topic that is personal and plays a massive impact on my life. 
we all have our days of self-loathing and low self esteem. Hiding under a rock away from the outside world isn't really the way forward though is it?
For years I have been very conscious of my weight and my appearance. I loved to shop - just like any other girl, I loved heels - just like any other girl, I would look for outfits and pair them with some killer heels - just like any other girl; I loved fashion! However, behind closed doors, was someone completely different. My anxiety fed off my lack of confidence making me feel fat&ugly. For a lover and a follower of fashion, you'd think the clothes she wears would be striking and full of bold colours, and the confidence oozing out of her would be enough to slap someone in the face for not turning back for another glance - sadly I was the complete opposite. When it came down to actually wearing pieces that were on-trend, sexy, classy, I felt I would stick out like a sore-thumb in a sea filled with beautiful skinny girls.
"A fat girl in heels? who does she think she is? a fat girl in a crop top?... L O L" would play in my head as I walk down the street. My self-esteem was at its lowest; I had hit rock bottom.
I am still struggling with my confidence and anxiety. it took years to hit rock bottom so it would obviously take years, even twice as long to gain it back, however what comes down must come up.

As a new-mum, adjusting to motherhood is a big step LEAP. It can take a toll if your not careful. Believe me, it does get overwhelming especially if you have had some underlying issues beforehand. Hormones are heightened and so every mood and feeling inside of you is heightened.
"the dishes are not done! Oh crap! the clothes are still not in the wash! Neveah eat your dinner! CRASH! ...great now to clean up the floor..."
STRESS is one main factor for weight gain/loss; usually leading to comfort eating/or not eating at all. Insomnia can also be another annoying factor, this led to my random agitated, moody behaviour and tantrums from eating unhealthily.

Even if it's 15 minutes of the day: sit and relax, meditate, read a book, paint your toenails, do your make-up, soak in the bath a little longer than you would. 
"do it for yourself. You are not super-mum and that's okay." Is what I would tell myself.
I'm not really very good at organising as you can tell, so I decided to write up a daily routine where every hour is logged with things to do. This successfully helped me organise everything to what time I should start cooking dinner, to Neveahs' bath time, to her nap time.

Try it. This may even work for your lifestyle, you don't have to be a mum, organise a schedule that fits you.

Yes it is okay to buy a new pair of shoes, or a handbag or even some sassy lingerie. Wearing/using things that makes you feel more empowered, confident and sexy isn't vain, Go out and have some fun with friends or family; have a sneaky snack, a devilishly daring drink, spoil yourself once in a while, its okay to be a bit selfish - you owe it to yourself after a hard days work. Surround yourself with smiles and laughter and soak in that positive vibe =)

When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself you are beautiful, praise yourself. A smile can brighten up your day and even someone else. Smile with others, find something that just makes you smile.

Eating and exercising well keeps the mind and body well. When you feel clean and healthy inside, it also shows on the outside. After a workout how do you feel? That fat burning, sweat dripping, your heart pounding oxygen throught your body? Do you feel fresh after? More awake? Full if energy? Releasing those endorphins reduces your perception of pain. Knowing you worked out hardcore in the gym makes you feel more positive about yourself therefore your confidence levels go up. "I did it, it was a struggle but i pulled through" - giving yourself a pat on the back are little things that add to your confidence. Healthy eating is a happy living that co-exists side by side with an active, healthy and longevity lifestyle.

I pushed myself to also get fit for this summer, not only to lose weight but to generally live a healthier lifestyle. I took the 30 day challenge, and even though I did not complete it in the required 30 days; I still pushed myself to finish it. Pace yourself, take your time, the first step is always the hardest, and that's changing your daily routine, the next big hurdle is to maintain. I was feeling tense muscle pains in areas on my belly i didn't know i had! My abdominal muscles were finally getting a wake up call! I felt so good about myself, I started buying healthier organic fruits and veg to try and maintain this happiness and a sense of accomplishment.
it took a long time to get where i am now but my journey isn't over. To love yourself is the hardest thing to do. By accepting embracing your flaws and loving the things about yourself, you are one step closer to kicking that voice in your hard saying, "YOU CAN'T" out for good.

Name 3 things  (or more) you love about yourself ? please share =)

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